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My morning with Jesus...after another medication fail...

"I will not cause pain without allowing something new to born."
Isaiah 66:9

These past few weeks have been a roller coaster ride for me. 
Going twenty five years without a medical answer or a clear diagnose has been the hardest thing in my life.
The unknown has taken me to places I would've never imaged. 
I wanted answers, and while everyone kept telling me to "Let it go" I just knew that I had to find answers. 
See, when Jesus lays something on my heart he just doesn't stop until I follow. 
 I am NINE weeks away from hosting the second annual Hunt for Dystonia in the state of IN. 
My heart is even more overwhelmed than last year! 
Dealing with a genetic diagnoses hasn't set in just yet to me. 
It seems so unreal.
Knowing that three families in the state were able to get this testing free as well because of my journey is so heartwarming. 
We now know my Dystonia is genetic. 
This was literally the SAME face I made when seeing those results. 
What a sweet reminder that Jesus fights our battles for us! 
Last week Dr. Mike said "I don't care about what others think. I care about how you feel? Not just physically but emotionally? I'm overwhelmed as doctor!" 
I quickly replied "I'm overwhelmed but so thankful for answers."
Knowing that it doesn't change anything, but changes everything! 
I was put on a strong drug last week. My heart was so heavy in the doctors office because all I could think about was "Oh please don't put me on another medication. Please. My heart is going to break if this doesn't work. Please no."
Agreeing that if any big side effects came about we would pull it. 
I started taking it last Tuesday, and instantly I had a few people say "You haven't moved as much! It's so cool to watch this medication help. I'm so glad."
A couple alarming side effects crossed our eyes and yesterday (last night) he and I made that super HARD decision to pull the drug. 
Sitting down on my kitchen floor praying to Jesus that he would make it work. I instantly knew I wasn't alone. That he had me in his arms. 
Late last night a Taylee called me checking up.
I had the hardest time last night knowing I was suppose to be taking this medication but not last night. 
I was fearful that today was going to be a real challenge (movement wise).
So far my body has moved more but my heart knows that Jesus is holding on to me.
He knows that I want something to work so badly. 
He also knows what is best for me.
Where I am just in this semi lost valley trying to wrap my mind around we have a name to this. We have a CLEAR diagnose. 
I know he loves me.
I know that he uses my journey to help others.
I know all this but getting back up again is so hard.
Following the Lord's will isn't always the easiest nor what I (Chelsi) want. 
This morning has reminded me that the cross still stands. 
I am so unworthy of answers. 
The journey keeps moving on.
One day at a time.
One heart at a time.
As I get closer to this Hunt Jesus has stopped me in my tracks laying on my heart 
"Chels. You are doing this for all the thousands who need to know they are not alone. They never have been. Get it done!"
I like to think if Jesus was sitting right across from me he would say 
"Go BIG or go HOME!"

I have two choices in the fight for a cure:
1). Give up. Teaching and showing the rest of the world that is OK.
OR
2). Keep on keeping on until the day Jesus allows a cure. If never still moving forward to reaching and loving others the way Jesus has me.
Lets face it the journey isn't for the weak.
My favorite quote comes from my owner who some days goes into "Dad mode" 
"Suck it up buttercup! You got this and you have to keep going!"
Sometimes tough love is what we truly need.
While my heart is breaking that this medication helped but because of the side effects I can't take it just breaks my heart into a thousand parts. 
I know that Jesus will use this to help make me stronger in the end. 
I know that he is preparing me for the Hunt this year! 
I am so thankful that my circumstances has allowed me to meet/love on people all around the world. 
I hope that through my journey that others truly see the Lord at work.
Understanding Jesus gives and Jesus takes.
That he loves us enough to do what he sees best for each one of us.
Today, while my heart breaks seven of my co-workers have already texted me  in some  way. Making sure that I am ok. 
I am so glad that I am so needed but also so loved. 
Happy rainy beautiful Tuesday!



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